When the season stopped six weeks ago Zac Langdon was understandably upset. Like everyone, he had been waiting a long time for it to start. And like everyone, he had no clue when footy would be back. But as he jumped online and booked flights back home to Perth, a part of Langdon also felt very relieved. Having missed almost all of 2019 with injuries, he was glad he got to play in the round one game. It was something he had waited a long, long time for.

“It was obviously heartbreaking when we found out we weren’t going to play. I was so keen after last year. I had so much I wanted to make amends for,” said Langdon. “But if we didn’t get to play that first game I feel like it would have weighed so much more on my mind.

“Knowing that I got back into the side and got to play that game, it made it a lot easier to go away. For a while there I was definitely questioning myself: whether I could get back into the side after the year I had, whether my ankle was going to hold up after a full pre-season, how much harder the team was going to be to get into, and all sorts of other things like that.

“I spent a lot of time thinking about round one and even though there’s no guarantee I’ll play round two, to play in that first game was a massive thing for me. So now with this break, I see it as just another thing we have to get through, and another opportunity to get better. I’ve sort of set this goal, that I want to come back fitter than I was before it all got called off.”

Langdon’s bad run started before the 2019 season had even started: a foot injury, suffered at training one week before the first pre-season game needed weeks of rest, then weeks of work. Langdon did all that devotedly, got better and was made his way back into the team. Then, he hurt his ankle. This time he needed surgery. This time, it looked like his year might be over.

The foot was bad enough: after playing every game in his debut season, Langdon had big plans for season two, and being out injured wasn’t one of them. “It sort of confused me,” he said, “because I hadn’t factored it in or considered that it could happen.” Those same feelings bubbled up with the ankle injury, only this time they were much more intense. He had done so much work to get back and make the side again. Normally, he thought, doing that much work meant being rewarded for it. This time the exact opposite had happened, and he had no idea what to make of it.

“The main feeling I had was just shock. I’d played the whole year in my first year, and I thought it was going to happen again. So I wasn’t ready for it. I’d set out all these goals and hadn’t prepared to miss almost the whole year, which no-one would. And I had this feeling I was going to miss out,” Langdon said. “I kept saying to people, I have such a good feeling about the boys this year. After I hurt my foot, I always knew I had time to come back, but after my ankle I wasn’t sure anymore.”

Two things helped him clear his head, and get going again. Having a rehab timeline that listed the week after the elimination final weekend as a potential return-to-play date was one of then. His chats with the team’s psychologist, Darren Everett, did too.

“In the middle of the year I wasn’t doing the greatest,” Langdon said. “I went to talk to Daz and just said, this is the first time I’ve really doubted myself, I felt like I was doing absolutely everything right and I keep getting injured and I can’t understand why this keeps happening because it hasn’t really happened to me before.

“it was a tough time mentally, but that’s when I started talking to Daz. I just said to him, this is the first time I’ve had feelings like this, and he was really good at talking to me about it.”

Then, Langdon got going. He didn’t want to give up on the year because he still had a feeling that the team could go far. He had felt far too fumbly in his short stint back in the side between injuries, so he started doing some extra work on that. Already a strong runner, he aimed to get better again. They are things he kept working on all through last pre-season, and again throughout this break. But as the weeks went by last year, some new feelings came over him.

He took comfort from knowing he did all he could to get back, from pushing as hard as he could even though he knew it was going to be almost impossible. He loved being around the club during the finals, and watching his teammates win them. It was impossible not to feel excited by it all. By the time grand final week came around Langdon was content that he had done all that he could to be ready if the team needed him, and happy to feel a part of things even though it didn’t fall his way.

“I was so stoked for the boys. It was a massive time for them and the club and I was so lucky to be able to come down to Melbourne and be an emergency and be in the rooms on grand final day too. I got to take all that in and even though I didn’t play it was just awesome to be a part of that,” Langdon said.

“I was calmer by then, 100 per cent. A lot of the boys were up in the air in the last few weeks and I would have been so angry at myself if I’d taken it easy in rehab and not been there for the team if they needed someone and if a spot opened up. I did all I could and I definitely didn’t leave any stone unturned. I was just so happy for the team and wanting them to win so bad. To get to be there and be an emergency, that was a huge thing for me.”

From there though, it was time for a rest. Langdon headed for Europe with some friends from back home in Dampier, Western Australia: Germany, Austria, the Netherlands, a family friend’s wedding in Scotland, then London and Dubai on the way home. He had days where he didn’t think about footy at all and got home feeling ready to train, keen to get going again.

He doesn’t plan to pick up where he left off after 2018 – almost pretending last year didn’t happen – but wanted to come back a better player, and one who understands things don’t always go your way no matter how hard you try to make sure that they do. He will also come back to Sydney with a fiancé: Zac and Eli got engaged this week.

“That’s it. Even with this break, there’s nothing we can do about it other than keep training and doing our best to come back ready to go whenever we do get to play again,” Langdon said.

“That’s what I’m thinking. I don’t want to come back the same player. I want to come back and be heaps cleaner than I was, I want to improve my tank again and be versatile, have my tackling but also show that I can get up the ground and be a bit more dangerous. I just want to improve everything and come back like the other boys feeling like I’ve made the most of this break. It’s such a good group, and I still have that feeling that we could do some big things.”